I was treated to this excellent passenger announcement first-hand on the way home from a visit to Chester. This is as near to verbatim as I can remember it:
"I'd like to welcome new customers aboard the train. Also, I would like to reassure any customers who may have noticed the two-tone alarm a few minutes ago. This is the sound of the customer assistance alarm, activated by a button inside the customer toilets. The button is clearly labelled 'ALARM' in large, red letters. It does not operate the flush, or the door lock. I would like to advise customers to, in general, read the labels next to buttons before pressing them; not only on the train, but in your day-to-day lives as well. Otherwise, one day you may press the 'auto-destruct' button. Thank you."
